So getting up this morning at 7am (having been awake since 4am) I was finding it a little hard to get optimistic about the whole sticker chart goal system. Having watched several branches blow off the tree opposite my window I eventually conceded that, regardless of today being the ONE day I had a legitimate reason for really needing to go outside, it just wasn’t going to happen. Equally having spent the day trying very hard to ignore my physio ball (no mean feat when it is a bright yellow, basketball sized fluffy tennis ball!) I eventually concluded that since the act of standing up cause dizziness, nausea and tears of pain, physio really wasn’t on the books for today. So that left me with the one potentially achievable sticker: writing something. Luckily for me, while lying in bed from 4-7 concentrating very hard on lying very still to minimise pain levels, I remembered a story that I began writing about a decade ago. I always thought that I would eventually go back to that story; I just needed to figure out the right angle and audience. So over those three agonising hours I plotted and planned and eventually figured out what I wanted to write. Generally that would be the point where I would grab my handy notepad or idea pad or random piece of junk mail or the back of an envelope and write as if my life depended on it making sure all the salient points were noted down to be fleshed out later in the day. Unfortunately at this point I realised that I am basically living in a paper free environment! All of my old notebooks and idea pads have been filled up and shoved into boxes for the move (which began 7 months ago and is roughly half done). I am yet to find myself on the receiving end of a forest of junk mail and the only letters I am now sent are generally related to hospital appointments and governmental departments arguing over my disabled status. Shockingly neither the hospital nor the government take kindly to random graffiti scrawl on their official letters.
So where does that leave me? I could a) sneak into my lovely housemates room (as she is currently away) and attempt to find some paper, b) fish around for my iPhone and use the notes section (although that would involve putting glasses on and the agony of typing extensive notes on the touch screen) c) get out of bed and fetch either my laptop or netbook (both of which would be far too bright for early morning eye health) d) sneak out onto the landing and steal the whiteboard and pen from the wall, erase the notes from my housemates and use it as a planning board or e) give up on writing it down and attempt to remember my ideas until I was fully cognisant. Given that a), c) and d) would involve the (at this point superhuman) effort of getting out of bed (let's not forget the reason for being awake in the first place) and b) would again involve movement followed by frustration the only choice was of course e). A fine choice about 90% of the time, however after roughly four hours of nightmare infested sleep and a veritable cornucopia of drugs racing around my veins today would fall into the 10% of the time that e) is not that good of an idea. Now not only am I skirting around the feeling that not achieving today’s goals is fundamentally a failure on my part (so you had bad night and a slightly uncomfortable day, “when I were a lad we often went on 12 mile root marches after a night of scarecrow duty having lost 6 toes and half a femur to frostbite, you young’uns don’t know you’re born!”) I was stuck in an apathetic stupor with the knowledge that I had finally figured out a decade old problem and the more I thought about it the harder it was to remember!
Effectively what I am saying here (and what the lady from the Cheltenham office dealing with blue badge applications informed me) is “this whole paperless society may be saving the world but it ain’t half making things harder!” So in the spirit of writing something every day I decided on a good old fashioned, “I remember when... back in the good old days” moan (and a mental note to go shopping for a variety of notepads and paper as well as pretty coloured pens to avoid further disastrous aborted creative moments-all donations gratefully received... ;)
On that note I will have to leave this moan as I have been cajoled into entering the outside world through the promise of fish and chips if I consent to walk from my room to the car... (Now I get 2 stickers, that’ll show you stupid weather related unkind joint pain!!!!!!!) Oh and in case anyone was wondering, while I am capable of writing without glasses on (muscle memory and a little luck) I am too scared of the phone hitting my eyeball as I squint at it to attempt extensive typing without glasses!
So where does that leave me? I could a) sneak into my lovely housemates room (as she is currently away) and attempt to find some paper, b) fish around for my iPhone and use the notes section (although that would involve putting glasses on and the agony of typing extensive notes on the touch screen) c) get out of bed and fetch either my laptop or netbook (both of which would be far too bright for early morning eye health) d) sneak out onto the landing and steal the whiteboard and pen from the wall, erase the notes from my housemates and use it as a planning board or e) give up on writing it down and attempt to remember my ideas until I was fully cognisant. Given that a), c) and d) would involve the (at this point superhuman) effort of getting out of bed (let's not forget the reason for being awake in the first place) and b) would again involve movement followed by frustration the only choice was of course e). A fine choice about 90% of the time, however after roughly four hours of nightmare infested sleep and a veritable cornucopia of drugs racing around my veins today would fall into the 10% of the time that e) is not that good of an idea. Now not only am I skirting around the feeling that not achieving today’s goals is fundamentally a failure on my part (so you had bad night and a slightly uncomfortable day, “when I were a lad we often went on 12 mile root marches after a night of scarecrow duty having lost 6 toes and half a femur to frostbite, you young’uns don’t know you’re born!”) I was stuck in an apathetic stupor with the knowledge that I had finally figured out a decade old problem and the more I thought about it the harder it was to remember!
Effectively what I am saying here (and what the lady from the Cheltenham office dealing with blue badge applications informed me) is “this whole paperless society may be saving the world but it ain’t half making things harder!” So in the spirit of writing something every day I decided on a good old fashioned, “I remember when... back in the good old days” moan (and a mental note to go shopping for a variety of notepads and paper as well as pretty coloured pens to avoid further disastrous aborted creative moments-all donations gratefully received... ;)
On that note I will have to leave this moan as I have been cajoled into entering the outside world through the promise of fish and chips if I consent to walk from my room to the car... (Now I get 2 stickers, that’ll show you stupid weather related unkind joint pain!!!!!!!) Oh and in case anyone was wondering, while I am capable of writing without glasses on (muscle memory and a little luck) I am too scared of the phone hitting my eyeball as I squint at it to attempt extensive typing without glasses!
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