There are certain types of people you find in medical waiting rooms, in fact it is a veritable assortment of crazy personalities brought together by the common need to gain information and often the common fear of what that information will end up being. The basic result is that a group of people who under other circumstances may not ever meet let alone communicate are often thrown together. There are basically four types of waiting room personalities, the over sharer, the mute, the glarer and the seasoned pro.
Group one: the over sharer is generally an older person who is has got past the whole privacy nonsense and would really like you to too. Typically the over sharer will have a loud booming voice perfectly designed to echo around an otherwise quiet waiting room. There are two types of over sharers, the “woe is me feel my pain” type and the “here we go again, it’s all a bit of a laugh at this point!”, the second is unsurprisingly the more fun of the two. In dealing with the over sharer it is often possible to get by with nods and murmurs of approval but there is sometimes the necessity or even the desire to respond in kind. This group can be great fun in a waiting room especially when combined with the glarer. This group also appears to be roughly 80% men...
Group two: the mute is just what it sounds like. They tend to sit there quietly staring at their feet desperately hoping not to bump into an over sharer. They rarely look beyond a carefully calculated section of the room and have a deer in the headlight response to hearing their name called. Following their appointment they scamper away without a backwards glance, happy to have escaped the abject horror of the waiting room.
Group three: the glarer, now this is the person to avoid when selecting your seat, as most people know you can end up in a waiting room for a VERY long time and as such there are a few things to remember about the glarer. Firstly it is likely that when you arrive they will be complaining for the umpteenth time that they have not yet been seen. On the rare occasion they are not you can seen them assessing other patients and judging the degree of irritation they may cause. For instance children are simply unacceptable as are the over sharers, people on crutches or with mobility issues pose a personal safely risk as well as a high level on the irritation scale and everyone else is far less deserving and clearly to blame for making the appointments run late. The best option with the glarer is to position yourself either on a horizontal axis with a minimum 5 seat gap (any less and the tutting becomes unbearable) or ideally to sit behind them. Do not make the error of sitting within eye line, you will soon be aware of your sub-human status and desperately wish for a fire alarm or natural disaster. The biggest issue however remains the point at which you are seen before them, the venom from the singular look of disgust will have you crawling through the door on your belly hoping for a reprieve.
Group four: the seasoned pro. Now the seasoned pro always brings a Kenny Rodgers song to mind, “you’ve got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away, know when to run”. Holding the attention of the over sharer can be a good way of passing time although knowing when to “fold ‘em” is essential to avoid the awkward silence that follows matching an over sharer at their own game. With the mute its best to walk away, you won’t get through so don’t bother trying, however walking away in this instance is often done by sitting relatively close to the mute, their general demeanour will often insure your freedom to read or play angry birds in peace. Finally you meet the glarer, this is the time to run, in military terms it would be a full retreat, in layman it is avoid at all cost lest you become trapped in the glarer’s rant, desperately hoping for the reprieve of seeing the doctor, nurse, surgeon, physio, OT etc etc.
So there you have it, the beginners guide to waiting room madness. Above all else chose your seat wisely, a simple error can set off a catastrophic waiting room nightmare!
Group one: the over sharer is generally an older person who is has got past the whole privacy nonsense and would really like you to too. Typically the over sharer will have a loud booming voice perfectly designed to echo around an otherwise quiet waiting room. There are two types of over sharers, the “woe is me feel my pain” type and the “here we go again, it’s all a bit of a laugh at this point!”, the second is unsurprisingly the more fun of the two. In dealing with the over sharer it is often possible to get by with nods and murmurs of approval but there is sometimes the necessity or even the desire to respond in kind. This group can be great fun in a waiting room especially when combined with the glarer. This group also appears to be roughly 80% men...
Group two: the mute is just what it sounds like. They tend to sit there quietly staring at their feet desperately hoping not to bump into an over sharer. They rarely look beyond a carefully calculated section of the room and have a deer in the headlight response to hearing their name called. Following their appointment they scamper away without a backwards glance, happy to have escaped the abject horror of the waiting room.
Group three: the glarer, now this is the person to avoid when selecting your seat, as most people know you can end up in a waiting room for a VERY long time and as such there are a few things to remember about the glarer. Firstly it is likely that when you arrive they will be complaining for the umpteenth time that they have not yet been seen. On the rare occasion they are not you can seen them assessing other patients and judging the degree of irritation they may cause. For instance children are simply unacceptable as are the over sharers, people on crutches or with mobility issues pose a personal safely risk as well as a high level on the irritation scale and everyone else is far less deserving and clearly to blame for making the appointments run late. The best option with the glarer is to position yourself either on a horizontal axis with a minimum 5 seat gap (any less and the tutting becomes unbearable) or ideally to sit behind them. Do not make the error of sitting within eye line, you will soon be aware of your sub-human status and desperately wish for a fire alarm or natural disaster. The biggest issue however remains the point at which you are seen before them, the venom from the singular look of disgust will have you crawling through the door on your belly hoping for a reprieve.
Group four: the seasoned pro. Now the seasoned pro always brings a Kenny Rodgers song to mind, “you’ve got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away, know when to run”. Holding the attention of the over sharer can be a good way of passing time although knowing when to “fold ‘em” is essential to avoid the awkward silence that follows matching an over sharer at their own game. With the mute its best to walk away, you won’t get through so don’t bother trying, however walking away in this instance is often done by sitting relatively close to the mute, their general demeanour will often insure your freedom to read or play angry birds in peace. Finally you meet the glarer, this is the time to run, in military terms it would be a full retreat, in layman it is avoid at all cost lest you become trapped in the glarer’s rant, desperately hoping for the reprieve of seeing the doctor, nurse, surgeon, physio, OT etc etc.
So there you have it, the beginners guide to waiting room madness. Above all else chose your seat wisely, a simple error can set off a catastrophic waiting room nightmare!
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